Plastic Battleship

Now that I've put that little public service announcement out there for everyone, I'm going to talk about something totally different.

We're one week past Memorial Day and summer is here, even though outside my window it's kind of overcast and freakin' 69 degrees.  I coulda typed "70", but "69" makes me giggle, my blog, my immature rules.

But real summer will be here soon, girls in bikinis, grills being fired up, humidity to the point where you wanna kill yourself, girls in bikinis, and getting drunk on the beach/at the pool with your friends and or family.

The pool I used to go to, or maybe not.  This was the only place
the looked close on Google so deal with it.

Now, my family used to belong to the neighborhood pool in Glenn Dale at the golf course (They call it a "Country Club" but let's be real, it's just a golf course).  Then Glenn Dale pool got closed down, maybe cuz it was a crap hole, maybe cuz no one went, or maybe because that one life guard was too hot to keep the pool open.

Let's side track and talk about her.  I didn't know her name, the only time she talked to me was probably when she would say "NO RUNNING!" and I'd speed walk instead, but I was in love.

She was tall, well, tall compared to my puny grade school body, brunette (The only non-blonde I'll ever love), and had a pierced belly button (Hot).  Below is an artist's rendition of her, apparently dressed for a Christmas party orgy?  Or she's a hooker.  Either way, I wish her the best of luck.

She left life guarding for a
more "lucrative" career.

So back on task, my pool.  To set the mood, it was your basic pool.  Varying depths, diving boards, giant toilet also known as the kiddie pool, and the classic snack stand.  The snack stand was great, it was run by the life guards, had a hard cement floor, picnic tables, and it's were we'd eat cold peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

It also held the greatest candy bar in all of North Bowie.  We're talking twenty five cent AirHeads, wax bottles, KitKats, Hershey's, Bottle Caps, and Reese's.  It was amazing.  They also had a water fountain that tasted like pure copper.

Now, as far as the actual pool goes it was great.  Coach PeeWee taught us to swim and I refused to learn how to dive.  Still haven't to this day.  The best part about the pool though was that you could bring in any toy you wanted, unlike some other pools in the area.

I mentioned the toys for a reason.  My best friend when I was a wee little pup was this kid Joel.  He was the man, only child, German, hell, his parent's even drove a Volvo, the kid was living the life.  The first baller I ever met (Anthony Nelson, @MDsOwn, is the greatest one though).

Joel also had a Dad whose job was to do something and that something translated into Joel having a bunch of bad ass army toys.  He had a toy AC-130 gunship that had working guns, missile launchers, and a cargo bay that was a show-and-tell staple in kindergarten.

He also had a fleet of plastic battleships, patrol boats, aircraft carriers, and other things that we would spend hours playing with in the pool, attacking them with splash bombs and those awesome toypedos, until that damn adult swim kicked us out for fifteen minutes.  Bastards.

So anyways, I was just feeling nostalgic so I figured I'd right about it.  There you go, my next post will be about my trip to Bremuda so until then, check out my friend Gina's blog here for some cool stuff.

My Year On The Road - Part Two Buffalo

Round Two of my "Year of Travel 2011 Edition".  Welcome to beautiful Buffalo New York.

So let me back up a bit and fire up the WayBack Machine (Thanks, Wyatt) and go to a few months before the trip.  My "brother" Matt told me about "The Tenth Annual Buffalo Wing Fest" being held Labor Day Weekend in (Duh) Buffalo, New York.

My jaw hit the keyboard making a kind of "bnhngbnb bvghgghb bhbbnnbbvbn" type of response and next thing you know, our countdown was on.

So fast forward to the night before our trip, it was a Thursday, Matt and I had taken off work Friday to drive down.  I was over at my girlfriend's house hanging out and I fell asleep on the couch.  Now, for this next part, keep in mind that I was staring down the barrel of a seven hour drive.

I woke up to see Kelly standing over me saying "It's 4:20."  It was 4:20AM, we went to bed around midnight or one so there wasn't much sleepy time between one to four.  I didn't believe her, cuz I'm dumb, and she told me a few more times that it was 4:20AM so I jumped off the couch, grabbed whatever belongings I had, and bolted.

I drove home and got a bit of sleep before Matt got there around seven. I woke up, grabbed my bag, and got into the car and he headed North on Route 15, a beautiful, scenic highway through Pennsylvania.  There were at least 25 billboards letting Matt and I know "PORN FOR SALE" and "Cheapest Porn on Rt. 15" and things of the sort, and I'm glad to say we made only one stop...at Taco Bell.  For tacos and gorditas, get your mind out of the gutter.

 So then we hit New York and blazed through the last few hours of our road trip.  We got to Buffalo and dropped our stuff off at Dan's (He had to go out and do a Fantasy Football Draft so I already liked him) and took off again.  Matt and I went to Anchor Bar (Home of the First Buffalo Wing, thanks Dominic's Friends!) followed by a bit of catch at a local elementary school then went to Dick's Sporting Goods (My favorite store of all time), where Matt took a giant crap, and then we went to get some beers and watch some football (TCU versus Baylor inna huge shootout, if only I knew the Skins would get RGIII then...).

So fast forward to the next day, we wake up and pile into Dan's car and head towards Coca-Cola Field, home of Buffalo Wing Festival 10.  Our Mecca.

Now, to get any wings you need to buy tickets, if I remember right (I probably don't) you could get three wings for two tickets.  Matt and I bought a ton of tickets and took off to sample wings from all over the United States.  Some of the wings were terrible (Better Cheddar Wings shouldn't exist...) and some were amazing but Matt and I both decided that the best of the best were the "Almost Famous Peanut Sauce Wings" from a wing joint in Seattle, Washington.

Now, I think I ate around thirty wings, Matt probably ate the same if not more, which is more than enough when you think about it.  And there were so many awesome sauces coating my fingers.

But the fun didn't end there.  After a few hours of wings, we wanted some air conditioning, some sports, and some beers so we walked on down to Pearl Street Bar & Grill and knocked back a few local brews before heading back to the car.

On the way back, we hit up the liquor store (They do ten dollar growlers) for some more drinks then Might Taco (Cuz we really needed more food....).  Let me say this, I love Taco Bell, always will, but Mighty Taco blew that place out of the water. Much better tacos, much better nachos, much better EVERYTHING.

After a "necessary" taco and beer run, we went back to Dan's to watch the LSU/Oregon tilt, eat tacos, an drink beers before turning in for the night.

Now, there is one more note about the awesome road trip that was "Big Guy and Chief go to Buffalo". On the way back through Pennsilyvania, we found heaven in Williamsport in the form of a...wait for it....all you can eat KFC Buffet.

The trip was epic, and as Matt recently put it "Wings, Beer, and bars that don't close till 4AM, what more could you want?"

Rebound Relationship.

She's back in my life. I thought I had lost you, that you left me for another, but now it looks like you've come back. You sent me a text a few weeks ago, we had a little chat then. Then the next day you called me and we talked for a hour or so, caught up on the old times, and even made plans for coffee the next week. Then the next week came, we met, hugged, shared a quick kiss, and sat down and laughed and re-lived old times.

Then, we re-signed our own free agents then the open market hit and we started calling agents, getting in contact with the players, and spending tons of money on free agents. It's so good to have you back my love, the NFL. I mean, your parents finally settled back down and your mind is clear.

Football is back and I know I'm a few weeks or days late on writing this, but I have a problem writing articles about sports because it hits a targeted audience and maybe some people will ignore this post once they read the letters "NFL" and they won't get to read me type "I apparently sleeptalk in addition to my sleepwalking. I just never shut up. Also, I enjoy watching Gossip Girl on occasion."

Damn, aren't you happy that you kept reading and got to see all that? You guys are lucky. And those of you who have the stunning privilege to know me personally, are even luckier. If you want to know me personally, it comes with a prize, the regret of the fact that you know me. It's a big prize, cuz there's a lot of regret. Like, shit tons of regret. If I go out with my friends, I have those guys you see at the circus running behind the elephants to shovel up the poop following us to scoop regret., it's expensive but worth it. Less embarrassing for them, the shit-scoopers, and more embarrassing for my friends.

So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the NFL. Lockouts over biatches. Football is pouring back into the news, I'm glued to my phone talking with guys from high school about who we wanna sign to the Skins, who we wanna cut, where the big names went, and of course taking cheap shots on the Iggles, Cowgirls, and G-Men.

I HATE THE EAGLES.

So yeah, got that out of my system. But until September 11th comes around this year and Giants/Redskins kicks off, there's one thing that I get to obsess over besides chasing women and my meth lab, that one thing is the 1615 League. The first season of our annual (hopefully) months of trash talk, betting, beer buying, and trophy awarding.

So yeah, I mostly wrote this to get back into the blogging saddle (I hope) and too kinda vent some of the energy I have cuz I'm waiting for fantasy to start. There will be pictures and more to come on 1615 League.

Summer...It's Almost Here

May, June, July, August. When life is good again. When summer is upon us, when it's ninety degrees but feels like 98 with the sun and humidity. Where when you walk into the house, the air conditioning hits you and you walk back to the freezer for a popsicle. Or soda. Or beer, beer is always good. It's live baseball, the smell of grass, those nights during the weekend when it's seventy or eighty degrees and you're talking with your friends on the porch just enjoying another night.

If you're still in school, summer if freedom. The three months where you put away the books and backpacks and get out the bathing suits and stay up late for no reason. If you're the right age, it's a summer full of graduation parties and just plain old parties (parties for no reason are the best).

It's the time of the month where college campuses are empty, and the beaches are jam packed. When a t-shirt and mesh shorts is all you need on to go outside and do whatever the hell you want (horseshoes is gonna be the summer sport of 2011 for me). It's when you can drive whereever the hell you want (faster the better) with the windows down and music pounding out of your speakers.

And then there's the yearly Carroll Family trip to the Outer Banks. About fifty of us pack up and leave Maryland/West Virginia/Pennsilyvania before the sun onna Saturday morning and live it up for a week. It's all about the pool, go-karts, playing pool, the ocean, walking the beach after dinner, booze, hot tubbin, N-64, poker, kites, fishing, and cigars. It's going to bed at one in the morning and waking up six hours later. It's always knowing Grandmommy will be upstairs reading/playin a puzzle/playing solitare/napping cuz we don't let her out of the house. It's going to Dune Burger and Kill Devils every day for burgers and onion rings after you ate Cheetos and cake for breakfast.

It's always a good time, even if all I did was just sit up on the third floor deck and just watch the ocean crash in, it would be enjoyable. And it's the beach, so there's hot chicks. That's another part about summer that I won't dive into right now cuz some people would stop reading. But dear god, chicks are the best.

I hope this post makes sense and gets you even more excited for what's to come in summer. I don't really proofread this things, just kinda throw them out there and cross my fingers that some of the crap I throw will stick to the wall.

Also, I'm still interested in trying a "Guest Blogger" thing. If you're famous or just bored, send me your idea for a post and start writing, I'll post anything really, I'm desperate for internet fame.

And finally, I'm about to hit a major milestone. My 21st is days away and things will get crazy over the next few weeks. I have Blogger on my phone, so I can rant from the bars or you can follow me on Twitter @therealSamWow. Shit's about to get real, it's me versus my liver and that's a fight I won't lose.