SamWow and G-Cruz present -- Surviving Sandy

So at first this was going to be a ten really lame activities you can do to pass time while you're home from work tomorrow but insteadddd my friend the Gina's Blog and I have decided to grace your day with a whole list of storm themed cocktails!  I know I know...we're too kind.  YOU'RE WELCOME.  

Writer's challenge:  Drink all ten during the same storm and then recreate the picture at the end of the post. 

1.  Bye Bye Bahamas (too soon?)

- 1 dash banana Liqueur 

- 1 ounce Redrum 

- 6 ounces of fruit punch (Writer's Choice: Hawaiian Punch)

-1 maraschinos cherry

- 1 pineapple slice

- 1 orange slice

2. Dark and Stormy

- 2 ounces dark rum (Writer's Choice: Myer's)

- 3 ounces ginger beer (Writer's Choice: Saranac)

- 1/2 ounce of lime juice

3.  Mandatory Evacuation

- 2 ounces white rum (Writer's Choice: Railean White rum)

- 4 ounces Sprite

- a splash of grenadine

- lemon/lime wedges for garnish

4.  Tropical Storm

- 1 part banana liqueur

- 2 ounces white rum (Writer's Choice: Railean White rum)

- a splash of grenadine

- 4 ounces of orange juice 

- 1 sliced banana

- 1 cup of crushed ice

5.  The Cold Shower

- 4 ounces club soda

- 1 ounce Creme de Menthe

6.  The Flood Zone

- 2 ounces Kahlua

- 2 ounces Baileys Irish cream

7.  The Downed Power Line

- 1.5 ounces Railean Reserve XO dark rum

- 5 ounces Red Bull

8.  The Hurricane

- 4 ounces of Pat O'Brien's hurricane mix

- 2 ounces spiced rum (Writer's Choice: Captain Morgan)

9.  Category 5

- 1/2 ounce vodka (Writer's Choice: Tito's)

- 1/2 ounce Railean Blue Agave Spirit

- 1/2 Railean White rum

- 1/2 ounce bourbon (Writer's Choice: Maker's Mark)

- 1/2 ounce gin (Writer's Choice: Tanqueray)

- sweet and sour mix 

- splash of fruit juice

10.  Damn the Weather

- 1 tbsp of dry vermouth (Writer's Choice: Tribuno)

- 1 ounce gin (Writer's Choice: Tanqueray)

- tbsp orange juice

- 1 tsp triple sec

Your lovely (sober) authors, stay safe in the storm people.

Letter to my Wife, Part Two

To my wife, Eileen,

So there's something else I need to confess to you.  I was an Orioles fan my whole life, until eight years ago when the Nat's came "back" to town.  This is also my second marriage.  I think the root of it all is that when the Nat's came back to town...well, you're probably more worried about the marriage thing.  I'll talk on that for a while I guess.

Where should I start, well, I guess we'll go way back in the heart of the spring of 2008.  I was bitten and smitten by love, and she was a red head of all things, not a blonde, a redhead.  Let the magnitude of that sink in.

Me and my lady.

So I guess I'll tell you something about her.  Her name is Pam, we lusted after each other for about two years before we said our "I do's", and things moved way to fast.  That much I'm sure of.

I thought I was happy with her, I was smiling all the time, adjusting to my new life and suddenly, on May 18th, I watched her walk down the aisle and onto the stool.  I watched her lift the veil.  Her parents didn't come, I think they might be dead.  Doesn't matter, we weren't married long enough for me to find out.

You see, I "married" Pam Beesly from "The Office" in 2008.  It was another one of my jokes turned reality, cuz when you're a loud mouthed goon, people do these things to you.  They make you pay, always remember that; family is evil at heart.

Me and my lady, and my Grandmommy.

Also, if you couldn't tell by the pictures, the whole thing was a hoax; an elaborate plot.  Or a joke planned by my cousins (Mostly Jay-Breezy, I think) that was carried out to perfection.  And yeah, I'll break it all down....now.

As you can see, since the real Pam Beesly was occupied filming her show, we called up her sister, who looks a lot like a bottle of cooking spray.  My friend Anthony was supposed to be the best man/preacher, but he wanted to go home (...and from what I remember I jokingly said mean things to him about a garden hose), so he left and my cousin Scott officiated.  My replacement best man was a picture of my grade school best friend Andrew (See lapel), and Pam's bridal party was made up of my other cousins.

As far as other family members in the audience, we had my lovely Grandmommy (See picture) and my Mother (Picture unavailable).

After a quick ceremony that involved me kissing a bottle of Pam multiple times while pictures were taken, which is still a hilarious thing to me, we broke off for the reception.

The first of many.

Well, from here on out I think I'll just let the photographs tell the story from here on out with limited word-type interruptions from me.

I'm very sorry Eileen that I didn't tell you about this before, and that Pam is so attractive.  I'm kinda shocked that it didn't the more I think about it, I mean, I am a Carroll man after all.  We're cunning, funny, handsome people brimming with confidence and drive.  And we're just straight up winners, that can handle liquor like champions...Irish champions.

Enjoy the pictures and if you want to see anything else from the wedding, I have name cards and the "flowers" still in my desk drawer in the den, or as I like to call it "The Room with Bearwa Jima".  Enjoy the pictures, and call me, maybe?

Our cake, clearly I'm the gentleman on the left.

This is how weddings feel.

And I guess this was the beginning of the end.

The Accidental...Well, You'll See

If you know me, you probably know I have a knack for saying the right thing, interpreted as the wrong thing in the wrong way at the right time, but meant the right way.  I just re-read that and now I have a headache, but basically what I'm saying is I'm really good at saying one thing and it being taken the wrong way.  Like, really good at it.

I'm the King of bad jokes, terrible timing, pathetic pun-y puns (Get it?), and other things, but I mean well, I really do, please remember this as you read the story I'm about to tell you...

Many of you know I work in Downtown Washington DC for the USDA.  What many of you don't know is that throughout the USDA (And many other government agencies) have shuttles that take workers from place to place all day.  Some weeks, that shuttle is like my office.  I know when it will be late, I know the drivers personally, I know the schedule almost by heart (Which is really easy, it's just at the same two times every hour), and I know that the buses are white (How do I remember all these things?).

What I'm getting at is I have a story about riding the shuttle.  A pretty damn good one, that is if you like stories about me being a clown.  It's around lunch time and I'm standing outside South Building waiting for the shuttle with a bunch of people.

The bus comes, we pile on and we leave South.  I'm all the way in the back with the last open seat next to me.  We get to the first stop and a guy gets on and starts coming back towards me.

Being the outgoing person I am, or try to be, I want to welcome him to the shuttle.  We've been traveling for like half a mile together by this point so we're all practically family, why shouldn't Mr. Suit Guy feel like part of that?  So I rack my brain and I say "Good afternoon, welcome to the back of the bus." and flash him a smile.  In my brain, I'm celebrating, "Way to go, SamWow!  You're like the welcome wagon, they should start calling you SamWelcome!  You've earned a big ole' high five from someone for this!"

As I'm salsa dancing like Victor Cruz in my head, I look up and notice everyone is glaring at me, the lone whitey in the bus.  Then it hits me like a tidal wave.

I'm the only white guy on the bus, well, the only white guy who just made a innocent comment that got taken back to the Civil Rights movement by the nine black people on the bus.  All of the sudden I'm sitting next to Mr. Rosa Parks.  I'm not proud.

But here's the real kicker.  We get to my stop, and I'm the only one who's getting off at Patriot's Plaza III.  The only one, so I had too walk by everyone on the bus who hates me, bumping into a few, brushing against arms and legs on my way off.  When I got to the door, I thanked the driver and closed the door and didn't turn around.

These are the types of things that happen to me, SamWelcome...