Untitled Post Part Two

I once did acid with Morgan Freeman.

Yeah, you're probably pretty jealous right now, but wait...I didn't really do acid with Morgan. I had a dream where I did though.

You're probably wondering two things - (A) What the hell is Sam writing about? (B) What's Morgan like on acid?

Well, the answer to your first question is I'm writing this post about my dreams, sleep problems, and sleepwalking. I decided to do it when I dreamed I dropped acid with Morgan Freeman, even though I wouldn't know acid if you dropped it right in front of me.

In the dream they were just little tea-bag looking things(which after some research I found out isn't what they look like) that we bought from a dealer outside of PG County Stadium (Home of the Baysox) after a game then went to Chik-Fil-A and went crazy on those Spicy Chicken sandwiches. Me and Morgan both hate pickles, or at least he hates them in dream world.

Now, for your second question. Morgan is awesome to do acid with. We talked about how he made Evan and Bruce "Almighty", how he drove Mrs. Daisy, how he redemption-ed Shawshank, how he summed up all fears, and how he helped make sure to keep baby out of the corner. Then we high fived, he walked into the parking lot, flipped a SmartCar with his bare hands, and rode off in his sleigh which was pulled by Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Jay Pharoah, and Cary Elwes.

So onto the next dream, this one is extremely normal compared to the one above.

And note the fact that there's no semi-witty segway, I'm swinging for the fences here.

This next dream happens a lot, like, four or five times a week.

It always starts out the same way, with me running through different places whether it's down the hallways from episodes of "Scooby Doo" (You know the ones with all the doors), running around DeMatha, Maryland's campus, Dave's condo, the Taco Bell in Severna Park, Ace in Severna Park, around a couch or table, or sprinting through the set of "Community".

I run for a while, turn a corner and there she is, "Mystery Blonde Girl".

I've never seen her face, she just keeps running away from me so I keep chasing her and chasing her but I never catch her. I ususally just run after her for a while until I trip and fall or run into something and next thing you know, I'm awake lying on the floor of my room.

This dream has been going on for maybe four months, but "Mystery Blonde Girl" has made guest apperances in my dreams for at least a year, it's weird. Really weird. But at least it's "Mystery Blonde Girl" instead of Jake Gyllenhall.

The next dream is easily explained, I have dreams where my friends murder me. Well, I can't really explain it, they just kill me. It's that simple. It's always a different friend and always a different way for me to die. Thanks guys.

And if you're wondering, Wes gets me with the machete, Kelly hits me with her car, Dave shoots me, Mikey stabs me, Mike beats me with a baseball bat, BoomKing uses a bazooka (I can actually explain that), and Brian uses nun-chucks.

My friends mercilessly beat, stab, chop, shoot, eat (the one who ate me will surprise people, I'll just say it's a she), and hit me until I'm fading out and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, then I wake up. Next time I see them, I'm secretly mad, concerned, and very alert. They're really weird dreams and I don't think my friends would kill me, but I can't be too sure cuz as soon as I trust them, it's over and I'm getting chopped up like in the end of "Things Fall Apart".

Okay, so now we're going to get into the final piece of this freak-show I've presented that just happens to be my sleeping habits. Sleepwalking.

The first time I sleepwalked (slept-walked? I dunno) I just remember going to bed in my room and waking up on the couch. That's happened a few times and it's never a big deal, just kinda weird but hey, at least I'm staying in the house and on the ground.

This next story took the game to the next level. This story is triple overtime with game seven on the line. This story is streets ahead. This story is, well, epic. And one I'll tell till the day i die.

So, if you've played "Call of Duty Black Ops" you remember the scene where you're the guy in the space suit walking across the runway to get into the Blackbird to fly around and guide the squadron. If you didn't let me paint you a picture.

It's a hazy day, you're in a yellow space suit walking across the tarmac, saluting the men out there with you. Then you get to a flight of stairs, you walk up them, get into the cockpit, close the hatch, and you take off to start the mission.

Now, let me set up my part of the story. I have a "split level" house and all that means is that when you walk in my front door, you can go upstairs or downstairs from the landing.

Below is a fine artist's rendition of the layout of the bottom half of the steps. He's probably pretty proud of the fern-thing he drew, so be sure to compliment it.

Ok, so that arrow is pointing to a major player in this story. Like, what Jason Campbell was to the Redskins. A big deal. That arrow is pointing to a part of the ceiling that drops down and slants, giving you less clearance. That's really all the set up I guess this needs so here we go.

I dreamt (Dreamed? You'd think an English "major" would know) that I was walking up the stairs about to climb into my jet, the hatch closed and I did the final checks, throttled the engines, worked the elevator flaps, and flipped a bunch of random switches before looking out the window and giving the thumbs up to the men on the ground who quickly pulled the equipment away so I could take off.
Then I kicked the throttle open and, felt the jet burst from under me, and then...

I woke up.

Well, I didn't just wake up, I woke up perched on the landing, toes curled over it, arms swept back like wings, and knees bent, ready to launch into the air and go defeat the Communists. That's a terrifying way to wake up and now I'll tell you why...

I was ready to explode into the air, and as we all know from that nice little arrow I drew in that awesome artwork I made, if I had jumped off the landing, there's a 100% chance my head would have smashed into that piece of the ceiling so hard that it would have been one of those moments where my body kept moving, but my face stayed in one spot. The ultimate clothesline.

In between my face smahing into the ceiling and the roughly seven step drop that would have followed (if I missed the ceiling, I would have just smashed through the drywall at the bottom of the steps which would have also been painful), that would have hurt. Alot. That shook me up pretty bad when I was able to step off the ledge and get my head straight.

That would have be tough to explain to the parents when they woke up and saw their son lying in a bloody crumpled heap on the floor. But I know what I would have said when I realized they were there and they saw me. "Mission accomplished sirs. Our country is safe, and the wind of God is at our backs." I dunno why I would have said that, I dunno why the wind of God is at our backs, but it just was.

So yeah, that pretty much wraps this one up. There might be some more weird dreams posts and I would love for someone to tell me what they think the "Mystery Blonde Girl" dreams are trying to tell me. Actually that would be awesome if someone could, cuz those really bother me.

Also before I forget if you have a beard/have had a beard/are a beard lover, I want your input soon. I'm doing a post on beards, the pros and cons, and the perception on beards from guys and girls alike. I have a few people I want to talk to, but any input is welcome and will be used.

I also want some more guest posts cuz then stuff gets posted that I don't have to do any real work on! You can write it on any subject, just email me (samcarroll9@gmail.com), Facebook me (SamWow Carroll), find me on Twitter (@therealSamWow), call me if you got my number, or write it down and just hand it to me.