My Year(s) on the Road - Part Four (Section A?)

I know, I know.  This is a new year, but I'm going to keep with my "Year on the Road" series because this blog needs some sort of continuity, and this may be our only hope.

So I just got back from my first real trip of this year, Bermuda.  WOO!  I left from Baltimore with my girlfriend and her family and I'll admit, I was pretty nervous ya know.  I was about to meet a bunch of people I had never met before, and if they didn't like me, I'd be on a boat with them for a week.

Luckily, they were all awesome, I don't know how they felt about me, but I liked them.

So as we sailed out of Baltimore, the party started.  There's something truly epic about watching a giant cruise ship sail under the Key Bridge with only a few feet of clearance to spare.  And then I started drinking and everything became a blur, not really though.

-- Editor's Note / I start a lot of paragraphs with "So".  That is all. --

It was roughly a day and a half long sail to Bermuda, and if you know anything about cruise ships, there's always something to do.  We drank, ate, napped, walked around the decks, watched a movie, and went to karaoke.  Now, I had never been to karaoke before, the closest I had come was in "Rush Hour 2" when Chris Tucker sings in the bar.


Let me tell you, it was awesome.  Epic-ly unforgettable.  Ah-ma-zing.


First, Kelly's uncle came up and blew the roof off the place with Bad Company's "Feel Like Making Love", and everything that followed sucked terribly compared to the opening act.  Hooray for my brutal "Cruise Karaoke" critique.

My first friend in Bermuda.

After the day and a half, on a Sunday afternoon, we made it to Bermuda.  We hung off the rails and watched the ship dock before grabbing some lunch and lining up to leave and go to Horseshoe Beach, one of the top ten beaches in the world, to see crazy stuff like really blue water and pink sand.

Well, it was crazy to me because all the beaches I had seen prior were Ocean City, Outer Banks, and Colonial Beach... none of those are exactly a staple on Travel Channel.

So we get off the boat and pile into a cab, me riding shotgun (On the left hand side, which felt weird) and took off.

Now, Bermuda is a "British overseas territory", so they drive on the opposite side of the road here.  And the people there are all really, really nice, which I dunno if that's the same in England.  But that's not the point here people.  So we're flying down these tight, narrow little roads and the cabbie and I are becoming best friends, chatting about how long he's been driving a cab (Five years), how long he's lived on the island (His whole life), talked sports (He's a Chelsea fan and was terrible at cricket), and he showed me where he lived.  He had a couch on his porch.

Sadly, we got to the beach and I had to leave my cabbie buddy, oh how I hardly knew ye, but we were at the beach so I got over it pretty damn fast.

Horseshoe Beach.

So we make the short walk to the beach, spread some towels and put up some umbrellas and I take off into the water.

Now, usually at the beach, the sand is hot as hell and kinda rough, but at Horseshoe, it's really, really, really fine and kinda pinkish-whitish, and pretty cool.  And the water was so clear.  And not cold.  And it was really awesome, I'm still really giddy talking about it.  So I'm going to stop talking about that part and move on to the next part.

After we got done swimming, Kelly and I decided to go exploring down the beach, which is bracketed by two big groups of rocks (As seen in the picture above).  We headed to the right hand side, where people had been climbing the whole time we had been there and quickly followed suit.  It was a little rough on bare feet, but the trip to the top was worth it.  Some of the pictures are below, I feel like this post is rambling on, but it'll be over soon.

We didn't know how to get down there, but it looked tough.

The view from the left-hand side of the beach.  

The old fort/building.

Okay, so then we piled into a cab to go back to the boat, sadly this cab wasn't driven by my friend, but by an old guy who called me "Doctor", which was fine by me (I cured his cleft pallet).  He had been driving his cab since 1972 and had lived on the island his whole life, leaving once to go see the World cup.


He told us about some of the history of the island and was kind enough to slow down so we could get a good view (Or in my case, pictures) of the world's smallest drawbridge.

Well, that's the bridge.  It's 18" across and is just plywood and metal.   You're probably asking "What the hell goes through there?  Is it just a tourist trap?  No, it's so sailboats can cross under and the mast on the ship can pass through the bridge.  It's awesome.

That wraps up "Section A" of Bermuda, stay tuned for details and pictures of the last days on the island and the trip back to Baltimore.

As they say in Bermuda, "Goodbye."

My Year on the Road Part Three - Boston

My third and final trip of 2011, headed north to Milford/Boston, Massachusetts in October.

My friends Mike and Leah are getting married this summer and they had they decided to the engagement party in the Mike's hometown of Milford, Massachusetts so Kelly and I hopped in my car and headed, well, North.

People say I move to fast, but I mean come on, it's a billboard.
Classy.

So we're driving through Pennsilyvania, sitting in traffic playing "Never Have I Ever" for hours when I looked out my windows and saw the billboard pictured below...and luckily, we both laughed and took pictures before the trip continued on.

Somehow, my GPS decided not to take us up I-95 and instead we drove through New York City, fighting traffic the whole way to our hotel in Milford, finally arriving there around eleven.

The next morning (Well, more like afternoon) we went out for lunch and some sight seeing before hitting the party in the evening.  We wandered around Milford, looking at buildings and going to 7-11before the party kicked off.  So now, Milford pictures.

So the next day after exploring and conquering Milford, Kelly and I packed up the room and headed to Boston for a day of sight seeing.  Pictures again, and that's the end of my "On The Road" for 2011.  Awkward segway, but I'll let the photos speak for themselves.

Bar and Grille

Paul Revere's Tomb

Massachusetts State House

Just proof Kelly was there.

Fish Filets at Beantown Pub are huge.

Fin.

My Year On The Road - Part Two Buffalo

Round Two of my "Year of Travel 2011 Edition".  Welcome to beautiful Buffalo New York.

So let me back up a bit and fire up the WayBack Machine (Thanks, Wyatt) and go to a few months before the trip.  My "brother" Matt told me about "The Tenth Annual Buffalo Wing Fest" being held Labor Day Weekend in (Duh) Buffalo, New York.

My jaw hit the keyboard making a kind of "bnhngbnb bvghgghb bhbbnnbbvbn" type of response and next thing you know, our countdown was on.

So fast forward to the night before our trip, it was a Thursday, Matt and I had taken off work Friday to drive down.  I was over at my girlfriend's house hanging out and I fell asleep on the couch.  Now, for this next part, keep in mind that I was staring down the barrel of a seven hour drive.

I woke up to see Kelly standing over me saying "It's 4:20."  It was 4:20AM, we went to bed around midnight or one so there wasn't much sleepy time between one to four.  I didn't believe her, cuz I'm dumb, and she told me a few more times that it was 4:20AM so I jumped off the couch, grabbed whatever belongings I had, and bolted.

I drove home and got a bit of sleep before Matt got there around seven. I woke up, grabbed my bag, and got into the car and he headed North on Route 15, a beautiful, scenic highway through Pennsylvania.  There were at least 25 billboards letting Matt and I know "PORN FOR SALE" and "Cheapest Porn on Rt. 15" and things of the sort, and I'm glad to say we made only one stop...at Taco Bell.  For tacos and gorditas, get your mind out of the gutter.

 So then we hit New York and blazed through the last few hours of our road trip.  We got to Buffalo and dropped our stuff off at Dan's (He had to go out and do a Fantasy Football Draft so I already liked him) and took off again.  Matt and I went to Anchor Bar (Home of the First Buffalo Wing, thanks Dominic's Friends!) followed by a bit of catch at a local elementary school then went to Dick's Sporting Goods (My favorite store of all time), where Matt took a giant crap, and then we went to get some beers and watch some football (TCU versus Baylor inna huge shootout, if only I knew the Skins would get RGIII then...).

So fast forward to the next day, we wake up and pile into Dan's car and head towards Coca-Cola Field, home of Buffalo Wing Festival 10.  Our Mecca.

Now, to get any wings you need to buy tickets, if I remember right (I probably don't) you could get three wings for two tickets.  Matt and I bought a ton of tickets and took off to sample wings from all over the United States.  Some of the wings were terrible (Better Cheddar Wings shouldn't exist...) and some were amazing but Matt and I both decided that the best of the best were the "Almost Famous Peanut Sauce Wings" from a wing joint in Seattle, Washington.

Now, I think I ate around thirty wings, Matt probably ate the same if not more, which is more than enough when you think about it.  And there were so many awesome sauces coating my fingers.

But the fun didn't end there.  After a few hours of wings, we wanted some air conditioning, some sports, and some beers so we walked on down to Pearl Street Bar & Grill and knocked back a few local brews before heading back to the car.

On the way back, we hit up the liquor store (They do ten dollar growlers) for some more drinks then Might Taco (Cuz we really needed more food....).  Let me say this, I love Taco Bell, always will, but Mighty Taco blew that place out of the water. Much better tacos, much better nachos, much better EVERYTHING.

After a "necessary" taco and beer run, we went back to Dan's to watch the LSU/Oregon tilt, eat tacos, an drink beers before turning in for the night.

Now, there is one more note about the awesome road trip that was "Big Guy and Chief go to Buffalo". On the way back through Pennsilyvania, we found heaven in Williamsport in the form of a...wait for it....all you can eat KFC Buffet.

The trip was epic, and as Matt recently put it "Wings, Beer, and bars that don't close till 4AM, what more could you want?"

That Time I Went To Wendy's on West Nursery Farm Road and Never Went Back (and Other Fast Food Stories)

The picture next to these words, the one giving you nightmares, is what I saw as soon as I walked into the Wendy's on West Nursery Farm Road in Linthicum, MD.  I was going to a movie with my girlfriend Kelly (And this weeks' co-blogger, say hi Kelly..."Hi"...real original, Kel, way to bring the enthusiasm, if you all stop reading now I don't blame you) and we decided to get some food first.

So we walk into the Wendy's next to the theater and the kid at the register, let's call him "Ryan" cuz that was his name, is working or whatever.  So we wait in line (A pretty busy line, don't you hate when you get somewhere, the line is a mile long, and you're the last one in it until you get to the front of the line?  Then one jackass walks in behind you and gets his food before you.), we are cracking smart ass comments, and of course I'm being well behaved and mature, per the usual.

This is why unemployment is so high
(literally). Thanks, Ryan.

We finally get to the front of the line and I'm staring at "Ryan" cuz he looks like, as my dad would say, "a damn fool".  He had  hair like that guy in that band "Flock of Seagulls" (You know, who doesn't wanna name a band after birds that eat garbage?), a band I know about only cuz I've seen "The Wedding Singer".

So me and Kelly get up to the front of the line and place our orders.  I ordered, and apparently messed up, and "Ryan" just smirked at me.  I corrected myself and stepped back, in shame (Also per the usual) and Kelly ordered. Disclaimer: he messed up Kelly's order, smirkless.

After Kelly had ordered, I handed "Ryan" my money and he took it and kind of (Well, not kind of) stared at Kelly blankly, then at me, then at Kelly, then rung up our food.

So we got our food and went to sit down and as Kelly opened up her baked potato, she noticed they didn't give her any sour cream or butter.  So me, being the gentleman and perfect boyfriend (Kelly says "Hi"), I get up to go get some sour cream and butter from "Ryan" (If you can't tell, I get a kick out of typing "'Ryan'").  I get up to the register and ask "Ryan" for said condiments, he looked at me, then turned back to the customer who had just told him "I'm not ready to order yet."  I stood there for a minute feeling a little bit defeated, watching the lady with two cigarettes behind her ears flip burgers, until "Drive Thru Lady" came to my rescue.

All in all, it was a trip to Wendy's (A place I really don't like) I'll remember.  Oh, and I almost forgot, Kelly pointed out a sign to me as we walked into Wendy's that read "Looking for Great Team Members"...now we know why...Way to go "Ryan".

Word Vomit, or as some people say "Random Thoughts"

So I haven't done a post like this in forever, cuz the Man Crush bracket took up all of my time so it feels good to be back in the regular-post saddle.  I also want to take a second to thank everyone who voted and contributed to the Man Crush Bracket, it sounds like a lot of people enjoyed it and I'll do another bracket either later this year or next year.  Now back to the voodoo that I do (not)so well.

Everyone who has been into a Chinese "joint" or restaurant (I never spell that word right on the first time, thanks spell check)  has probably the sign in the picture below (Take time to scroll down a bit to see it).  They seem to be in like, 90% of the places I've been, and I'm almost nervous when I go somewhere and I don't see one, I worry I'm not classy enough to order anything that's not no a backlit and faded sign.

Every Chinese Restaurant

Now, the sign in the picture is in Top China across the street from my house, it's a brand new place, and the sign looks like it's thirty years old.  I've never seen one of these signs and thought "Damn, what a clean, crisp, new looking sign."  And I also don't remember seeing any changes in the signs.  It always seems dumpings, General Tso, Orange Chicken, and stuff are just up there all the time.  The signs must be family heirlooms, passed generation to generation.

Random thought number two, cuz one is never enough.  And cuz I'm all hopped up on strawberry rhubarb pie from Easter, also known as the best pie ever.  Sorry, other pies.  I was driving the other day, rocking out to my music (Rod Stewart, DUH...not really) and I look out the passenger window and the Cracka in the Volvo station wagon (Matt James) next to me and he's staring back at me, while he sings whatever was on his stereo.  I feel like this happens a lot, mostly I'm the one singing (And drumming on the steering wheel, occasionally playing guitar, and certainly thinking I sound just as good as John Hiatt...or Rihanna), and what do you do?  You look back ahead and continue singing...like nothing happened.

Well that's all I got for now, I'm working on some new stuff (Maybe a interview type thing with "Cruz Missile") so stay tuned Aunt Jean.

Hostess.

Bee-Dub-Dub

Okay, so I've been scratching up this piece of paper since 6AM and I came to a conclusion.

Well, actually two conclusions, but you get them both for the astonishingly low price of just one! You my friend, have been blessed. It's like getting a box of soup, Heath Ledger poster, Zippo lighter, or a "Troy & Abed In The Morning Mug" as a gift (well, at least I know two of those four were seen as awesome..."We don't have cameras." "Yeah, who would watch this?" a few of you might get that quote session...1615).

Okay, got a little off topic, back to the two conclusions. Conclusion number one, I don't need to write everything I write in my marble notebook (I'm taking this shit back to the third grade). That writing is mostly just dumped straight from my mind, through the pen, onto the paper.

Conclusion number two, instead of trying to find some funny way to write this post, I decided to pour it right from my heart into your brains, which is really uncharted territory for me so we'll see how it goes. Probably poorly.

I love Buffalo Wild Wings. I'd take a trip to "B-Dubs" over any other restaurant. I'd take six wings from College Park's location over a week's worth of free wings from WingZone (You use too much sauce and your blue cheese is nasty).

I'd take "B-Dubs" over a lot of things actually, baptisms, weddings (I'll see you at the reception though), movies, doctors appointments, birthdays, confirmations, cruises, a Hooter's sponsored car wash, hospital stays, going to work, and going to meet some friends at Chipotle.

Fun story about the meeting friends at Chipotle. I was supposed to meet some people from the old job at Chipotle in College Park, then Dave called and said "Hey, we're going to wings, etc etc" as I was on the way to Chipotle, so I changed lanes and went to BWW. Without telling those other friends I wasn't going to Chipotle and for some odd reason, they're still upset.

That. Happened.

Now, I wanted to talk about the waiters and waitresses who I love and all, but that doesn't seem important.

What does seem important is the people I go with every week. I'm talking to you Dave, Wes, Matt, Julia, Mike, Mikey, Leah, James, Tim, Sari, Nick, Ben, Chris, Kris, Chris, Alise, Stephanie, Kelly, Hina, Goose, and all those other people I forgot or just didn't remember their names. Now, not all of those people come each week. It's usually just me, Dave, Wes, Julia, and some of her friends but occasionally the other names make an appearance but their not really regulars.

Those people are the reason I go each week. Sure the food is flawless and the sports are amazing but I love being with those people, my extended family.

Me and Dave talk about who's working, me and Wes talk about what sauce to get and study the artwork, me and Julia talk about side bangs versus front bangs ("See! Look at her, side bangs look retarded!"), me and Kelly discuss why she's not gonna hit me with that block of wood under the table, me and Julia's friends discuss two things; how awesome I am and then I make sure they're not from places I don't like (I'm looking at you Miami), me and Matt, Mike, and Tim talk about sports, and me and Mikey Dubbs talk about, well, everything. What I'm trying to say is that I love everyone who walks in and sits with us to eat and talk and hopefully they enjoy it as well.

There is one story I want to tell before I wrap this up. It happened last week when we went to BWW to "surprise" Dave for his birthday.

So Wes, Kelly and I went out to get a cake to bring with us to give to Dave. Mission accomplished (as usual). Julia, Mr. Bonanno, and Mrs. Bonanno went to get Dave and bring him there.

When they showed up, me and Wes were at a table waiting. Dave shook his head and "smiled" and then we ate and all that good stuff. When we were done, the waitress brought out the cake and someone announced it was Dave's birthday, people clapped, cheered, etc and we cut the cake.

So after a few minutes, the waitress comes back and stands between me and Dave. Dave's father then says "Hey David, you know what you could do with that cake? You could use it to lure young girls," pause to point at the waitress, "back to the apartment."

He said it as a joke, and we all laughed. Except Julia, who in my head was just extremely embarrassed and I wish Dave was too. It was just hilarious, the perfect BWW moment from a first time visitor.

So that's all I got.

I apologize if this post means nothing to you cuz you don't go with the group I go with, but hopefully it reminds you of the good times you had going out with your friends or family.

And if this one sucked, I'll have a new one hopefully tomorrow or Friday that will let you all laugh at me. A sleepwalking post is long overdue friends and neighbours.

Also, hi Lauren! There, hope you're happy haha.

Food.

Have you ever thought what your last meal would be? You know, you've been sitting around a prison cell (whenever I think of prison I think of Eddie Griffin sayin "You looking at my Janet?") and they come open the door on your last day and bring in a tray full of _________. I mean, I guess they still do last meals, I hope they do cuz when "The Man" finally catches me I've got some explaining to do if ya know what I mean...

I think about my last meal alot. I know exactly what it would be and exactly how long it would take me to eat eighteen wings from Buffalo Wild Wings (six Honey BBQ, six Asain Zing, and six Spicy Garlic), onion rings from Dune Burger, medium ham and pineapple pizza from Ledo's (handmade by the one and only Mikey Dubbs), milk shake from Z-Burger, and a bag of Communion wafers to snack on before I go out (via firing squad, like a boss).

So yeah, that's my last meal, I'll probably never get to eat it and if I did I'd wind up clogging the plumbing at the joint for weeks. But I'm here to talk about food. And how much I love it. And how awesome it is. And my favorite food. And maybe even drinks, or that can be another post.

I think that the question "Hey, do you like music?" is stupid. I think the question "Hey, do you like food?" is stupider ("Hey, you're in the pool? Catch this toaster." Unrelated but it's also a stupid question). So yeah, everyone likes food. Only morons don't eat and sure, you might not like brussel sprouts, corn, tomatoes, pizza, tacos, or fish but you still eat other crap and love it. And to all those people (girls) that have eating disorders, you might look hot and skinny but I'm gonna give you a fork before I give you a ring, ya dig?

So what else to talk about food based?

Meat. As a man, I love meat. Chicken, pork, steak, pig, bacon, bacon strips, bacon bits, ham, ostrich, kangaroo, sasauge, lion, fish, ground beef, and one of my personal favorites, scrapple. Oh man scrapple, the gift from the food gods that drops from the sky after you used all the "edible" parts of a pig. I mean, if brains, testicles, stomachs, bones, and eyeballs taste that good slopped into a brick, holy damn. Also, I just Google Imaged "scrapple" and found a picture of a cake...made of scrapple. I'd put the picture up, but it made me kinda sick.

I like chicken wings. I like chicken wings so much that in the past two years I've probably spent somewhere around 1,500 dollars on wings. I like them fired or baked. "Naked" or drowing in sauce. Dry rubs or sauces. Warm or cold. Fresh or left-over. Legs or thighs. Blondes or brunettes. Shirts or skins. Paper or plastic. Heads or tails. This got off topic. Basically, I love wings. I own many a sauce-stained shirt, and even my "We Want Wings!" shirt is slightly stained (but entirely awesome).

I hope you all learned something from this, what you should have learned is that the way to my heart is chicken wings. Or blondes. Actually, blondes is the better way. Or a blonde girl that brings me wings, she gets my heart and a wedding ring.

I also love tacos. Fish tacos, beef tacos, chicken tacos, taco tacos (taco in a taco), and my personal invention, chili tacos. That's chili, in a taco shell, covered in jalepenos. I love Taco Bell and the "BTB" (Better Than Beef) squeeze on them from that giant bag of beef. I love that bag of stuff, I love it so much if it were in a blonde wig and carrying wings, I'd marry it.

Pizza. Mike Birbiglia (world's greatest comedian) made me love pizza more. "Pizza and sex are very similar, when it's good it's good, and when it's bad you get stains on your shirt." That's just the one quote I know word for word, but the man has written full bits about pizza and it's hilarious and off topic for this blog post or else I'd tell you more about how great Mike Birbiglia is (he went to G-Town for god's sake).

So I guess those are my three favorite foods. I also like mac-n-cheese and corn. I love corn. And tomatoes. And peaches, which I'm allergic too but still eat from time to time just to prove I live on the edge. How am I allergic to peaches? Well, as far as I know it's the fuzzy skin. I try to eat a whole one and my throat closes up like a thing that often closes up.

So that's all I really have to say about food for now. There will probably be a drinks post and a Buffalo Wild Wings post coming up soon and when I get back from my "research" trip to the Buffalo Wing Festival in Buffalo, New York (September 3rd and 4th) I'll have some awesome stories.

Credit for the idea of this post goes to my favorite student at Cornell, my friend Italy, who is a nutrition major (I think) and my future "Drinking at SPX" buddy.

And just as a teaser, my next post will be about my sleep problems, dreams, and who I want to blame. Pax.