Food.

Have you ever thought what your last meal would be? You know, you've been sitting around a prison cell (whenever I think of prison I think of Eddie Griffin sayin "You looking at my Janet?") and they come open the door on your last day and bring in a tray full of _________. I mean, I guess they still do last meals, I hope they do cuz when "The Man" finally catches me I've got some explaining to do if ya know what I mean...

I think about my last meal alot. I know exactly what it would be and exactly how long it would take me to eat eighteen wings from Buffalo Wild Wings (six Honey BBQ, six Asain Zing, and six Spicy Garlic), onion rings from Dune Burger, medium ham and pineapple pizza from Ledo's (handmade by the one and only Mikey Dubbs), milk shake from Z-Burger, and a bag of Communion wafers to snack on before I go out (via firing squad, like a boss).

So yeah, that's my last meal, I'll probably never get to eat it and if I did I'd wind up clogging the plumbing at the joint for weeks. But I'm here to talk about food. And how much I love it. And how awesome it is. And my favorite food. And maybe even drinks, or that can be another post.

I think that the question "Hey, do you like music?" is stupid. I think the question "Hey, do you like food?" is stupider ("Hey, you're in the pool? Catch this toaster." Unrelated but it's also a stupid question). So yeah, everyone likes food. Only morons don't eat and sure, you might not like brussel sprouts, corn, tomatoes, pizza, tacos, or fish but you still eat other crap and love it. And to all those people (girls) that have eating disorders, you might look hot and skinny but I'm gonna give you a fork before I give you a ring, ya dig?

So what else to talk about food based?

Meat. As a man, I love meat. Chicken, pork, steak, pig, bacon, bacon strips, bacon bits, ham, ostrich, kangaroo, sasauge, lion, fish, ground beef, and one of my personal favorites, scrapple. Oh man scrapple, the gift from the food gods that drops from the sky after you used all the "edible" parts of a pig. I mean, if brains, testicles, stomachs, bones, and eyeballs taste that good slopped into a brick, holy damn. Also, I just Google Imaged "scrapple" and found a picture of a cake...made of scrapple. I'd put the picture up, but it made me kinda sick.

I like chicken wings. I like chicken wings so much that in the past two years I've probably spent somewhere around 1,500 dollars on wings. I like them fired or baked. "Naked" or drowing in sauce. Dry rubs or sauces. Warm or cold. Fresh or left-over. Legs or thighs. Blondes or brunettes. Shirts or skins. Paper or plastic. Heads or tails. This got off topic. Basically, I love wings. I own many a sauce-stained shirt, and even my "We Want Wings!" shirt is slightly stained (but entirely awesome).

I hope you all learned something from this, what you should have learned is that the way to my heart is chicken wings. Or blondes. Actually, blondes is the better way. Or a blonde girl that brings me wings, she gets my heart and a wedding ring.

I also love tacos. Fish tacos, beef tacos, chicken tacos, taco tacos (taco in a taco), and my personal invention, chili tacos. That's chili, in a taco shell, covered in jalepenos. I love Taco Bell and the "BTB" (Better Than Beef) squeeze on them from that giant bag of beef. I love that bag of stuff, I love it so much if it were in a blonde wig and carrying wings, I'd marry it.

Pizza. Mike Birbiglia (world's greatest comedian) made me love pizza more. "Pizza and sex are very similar, when it's good it's good, and when it's bad you get stains on your shirt." That's just the one quote I know word for word, but the man has written full bits about pizza and it's hilarious and off topic for this blog post or else I'd tell you more about how great Mike Birbiglia is (he went to G-Town for god's sake).

So I guess those are my three favorite foods. I also like mac-n-cheese and corn. I love corn. And tomatoes. And peaches, which I'm allergic too but still eat from time to time just to prove I live on the edge. How am I allergic to peaches? Well, as far as I know it's the fuzzy skin. I try to eat a whole one and my throat closes up like a thing that often closes up.

So that's all I really have to say about food for now. There will probably be a drinks post and a Buffalo Wild Wings post coming up soon and when I get back from my "research" trip to the Buffalo Wing Festival in Buffalo, New York (September 3rd and 4th) I'll have some awesome stories.

Credit for the idea of this post goes to my favorite student at Cornell, my friend Italy, who is a nutrition major (I think) and my future "Drinking at SPX" buddy.

And just as a teaser, my next post will be about my sleep problems, dreams, and who I want to blame. Pax.