April Fools.

Close you eyes and picture something for me. Well, keep your eyes open cuz I'm not there to read you this post. Unless you ask, then I'll probably come by and read it to you cuz then you'll give a glowing review about my blog to your friends and they'll start reading. Or if they can't read I'll come read it to them and start the cycle of me having to quit my job to read you all my blog posts.

Off topic like a MoFo, and now we're back.

You're down in Washington, DC seeing the Cherry Blossom Festival for the first time. You have your girlfriend, fiance, or wife with you (or maybe one of each with you, you sly dog). You walking hand in hand enjoying a spring day in the Nation's Capital, the Jefferson Memorial providing an amazing back drop when all the sudden you stop.

What do you see? A cop beatdown, College Park riot style? A kitten? Heaven? Girls in bikinis? Will Smith? All of those are wrong believe it or not. You see a young man, about twenty one years of age, down on one knee proposing to a young lady. If you're with your girlfriend, steer clear guys, next thing you know she's gonna want a ring. If you're with the fiance, she'll be all like "Aww." and she'll do that weird thing where they hug your arm instead of your body. If you're with your wife, you'll look back to a happier time when you didn't have all those damn kids (I know I do).

Now open your eyes again. Hi! It's me! I know I'm not what you wanna see when you come out of a dream/coma/trance/day dreaming session but here I am, sorry (really sorry). I have a story to tell, and as of right now I'm not sure if it will happen but by the end of the post we'll know seeing how I'm writing this a few days ahead of time. It may be pointless to tell you a story about what didn't happen but I like painting pictures with words. Now I'm done going off topic, I also want to apologive to Mrs. Gamble (my 7th grade english teacher) for my paragraphs not flowing cohesively.

That guy who was proposing, you know him. He's me (pause for dramatic effect). Minds. Blown.

Now ladies, ladies, please, I need you to keep your chin up. I'm off the market, it's just sad but true. My heart has been taken, my soul given up, my testicles removed, and my freedom crushed. But she's worth it. Now, I know what you're thinking. "Sam's getting married and we didn't know? What an asshole. We should have atleast met her once, we're his family/close friends." Ha, I lied to you. I'm not really getting married, what I tried to pull off at the Cherry Blossom Festival on Saturday April 2nd.

So I have a friend named Kelly (that seems like a really dumb lead runner for a paragraph, sounds dumber knowing this is longer than the sentence, man I suck). Kelly couldn't be around for my 21st birthday party but she told me to send some drunk texts and phone calls her way which I happily did. I don't think it took me more than ten seconds to decide what I was gonna do.

"Hey Kelly, will you marry me?" I sent as Wes nodded in approval, and from that emerged this crazy scheme which I'm writing about three weeks later.

So now fast forward. So it's eight in the morning or "Prank Day", the day I've been waiting for. There's just one problem, Kelly doesn't want to do it at all (now everyone quietly dislike Kelly. I'm just joking, don't dislike Kelly. She's awesome.) It's a tough thing to pull off and really sell it to the standards I wanted it to be at so I guess you could say we got cold feet over a fake wedding. Plus Kelly hates me. So yeah, even though the joke/prank didn't go through I still want to tell you guys how the joke would have gone down. There's two real reasons I want to, (A) I enjoyed thinking of the ideas and (B) it's only eight eleven in the morning and no one else will be awake for a few hours.

Okay, "Operation Fake Happy Ending" is what we will call scenario number one. It's simple, I get down on my knee, pop the question, and Kelly says "Yes!" and we'll stop it here for a second.

A friend of mine who I first told about the prank asked me "Well are you gonna kiss her?" (Kelly, I just heard you scream "Aww hell naw!" from here, and by the way, ouch.) So I don't know what we would have done but I don't think it really matters. I just wanted tourists to go home with a fun story and for people who didn't know it was a joke to wonder why there are pictures of me proposing to a random girl on Facebook.

So now onto scenario number two, "Operation Public Humiliation, Public Pity, Crippling Depression, Alcohol Abuse, Blinding Rage, Acceptance" It's a multiple step procedure that starts with all of "Operation Fake Happy Ending" up until the word "Yes."This time she says "No." Or "Hell no." Or laughs in my face. Or slaps me in my face. Or a awesome combination of all of them. "No! *Laughter* Hell no! *Slapping*" followed by a storm off.

Scenario two would have been the fun one (I got up to pee and forgot what I was going to put in here). There would be roughly a Tidal Basin full of people thinking a bunch of crazy things while they watched Kelly walk off and me sit on the ground and cry (I can get myself crying in about thirty seconds).

So yeah, the plan didn't happen. Oh well, I'm over it. It gives me a full year to plan a prank for next April Fool's (I already have some ideas that a certain duo of friends can help me with). I wish I could end this blog post better cuz I feel like it's weak but the reason I'm doing this blog is to let you guys step inside my brain and lets face it, not alot goes on in here and if it does go on, it does't really end like everyone wants it too.

Okay, that's it for this one. Maybe it's kind of a pointless post but I'm about to swallow my pride and just hit "Publish Post". I already regret it.