Man Crush Bracket, Round One, Day Four

Day Four, halfway through round one!

ATHLETES - Number 04 Michael Jordan versus Number 13 Jimmy Graham

NAME: Michael Jordan
CLAIM TO FAME: Greatest basketball player the world has ever and will ever see.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON MICHAEL: He's got game, the killer instinct, and probably the most well known shoe out there. And he's loaded. Like, really loaded.

NAME: Jimmy Graham
CLAIM TO FAME: Former University of Miami basketball player, currently plays tight end for the New Orleans Saints.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON JIMMY: He carried my fantasy team this year. 'Nuff said.

HISTORICAL FIGURES - Number 04 Michael Collins versus Number 13 Patrick Pearse

NAME: Michael Collins
CLAIM TO FAME: The greatest Irish leader of all time.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON MICHAEL: If you're Irish, like me, you love him for fighting for Irish freedom. If you're not, his name is on a lot of whiskey brands. Also, he died trying to get his country free.

NAME: Patrick Pearse
CLAIM TO FAME: Irish poet, writer, nationalist, and teacher
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON PATRICK: Another great Irish leader that died for his country and still has a lasting effect to this date.

ACTORS - Number 04 Tom Hanks versus Number 13 Liam Neeson

NAME: Tom Hanks
CLAIM TO FAME: Think of one of a great movie, he was in it.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON TOM: He's acted in every genre from drama to comedy, war films to romantic comedies and killed it playing every role. He also now produces, writes, and directs.

NAME: Liam Nesson
CLAIM TO FAME: Another great actor (Minus Star Wars...)
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON LIAM: He's kind of a quiet bad ass, movies like "Taken" and "The Grey.

ENTERTAINERS - Number 04 Mike Birbiglia versus Number 13 Conan O'Brien

NAME: Mike Birbiglia
CLAIM TO FAME: Stand up comedian from Shrewsberry, MA.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON MIKE: He's the "average man" out there, and not famous enough yet. Do yourself a favor and go on YouTube and look up his "I'm a bear, etc" bit. Priceless.

NAME: Conan O'Brien
CLAIM TO FAME: Former NBC and current TBS late night show host, he also wrote for "The Simpsons".
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON CONAN: He's mostly here cuz Jay Leno screwed him over (I hate you, Jay) and he's also flawlessly funny.

Man Crush Bracket, Round One Day Three

Day Three, so far I'm shocked that I'm still on schedule. Go me! Putting down the heroin needle was the best thing I coulda done...
Also, in case you start to wonder what's up with the Historical Figures selections, that's a really tough category haha. Please bear with me.

ATHLETES - Number 03 Mike Sellers versus Number 14 Kobe Bryant

NAME: Mike Sellers
CLAIM TO FAME: Washington Redskins fullback, 7th most ripped player in the NFL, and the only man for me.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON MIKE: Uhh. To me, this is like telling you why football is beautiful, breathing is important, and why, well, I'm out of snippy things to say. "Caveman" is a beast on the field, flat lining safeties, toting the rock, and crying at spring training when they told him he was gonna be a daddy. Sensitive, and sexy. I'm biased, cleary.

NAME: Kobe "Not The Beef" Bryant
CLAIM TO FAME: Only one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Suck it LeBron, you're going bald.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON KOBE: Who hasn't played a game of basketball and not wanted to be the Black Mamba? He's a winner, through and through, has that killer instinct some NBA stars (LeBron...) don't have. He's also the only player I'd be okay with getting one more ring than MJ.

HISTORICAL FIGURES - Number 03 President Eisenhower versus Number 14 Homo Erectus

NAME: Dwight Eisenhower
CLAIM TO FAME: Our 34th President and first Supreme Commander of NATO.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON DWIGHT: Not only was he a bad ass General (He woulda made Call of Duty better) he also sent the troops to Little Rock, Arkansas to help enforce integration.

NAME: Homo Erectus, aka "Cavemen"
CLAIM TO FAME: Fire, the wheel, and the fact that "Homo Erectus" sounds dirty and makes me laugh.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON HOMO: I have no good reason, just reading "Why You Should Crush On Homo." is funny as shit though.

ACTORS - Number 03 Will Smith versus Number 14 Zachary Levi

NAME: Will Smith
CLAIM TO FAME: Blockbuster smash hits like "I Am Legend", "I, Robot", "Men In Black", and "Independence Day" as well as "Fresh Prince of Bel Air".
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON WILL: He's Will Smith. "Welcome to Earth." That guy.

NAME: Zachary Levi
CLAIM TO FAME: Star of NBC's Chuck.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON ZACH: He gets to make out with Yvonne Strahoski (Or something like that.).

ENTERTAINERS - Number 03 Donald Glover versus Number 14 B.o.B.

NAME: Donald Glover
CLAIM TO FAME: First starred in "Derrick Comedy" on YouTube, wrote for "30 Rock", acted in "Community", raps under the name "Childish Gambino", and has two stand up specials on ComedyCentral.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON DONALD: Anyone who can blow the roof off your party with rap then wind everyone down with hilarious stand up should always be man crushed.

NAME: Bobby Ray Simmons aka B.o.B
CLAIM TO FAME: The Atlanta based rapper burst onto the scene in 2010 rapping with Hayley Williams, T.I., and Janelle Monae on his debut album.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON B.o.B: There's something about the up and coming mix tape rappers that just seems more pure. Plus, B.o.B raps with a live band (Unlike Lil Wayne, who blows so hard). And sang with Andre 3000. Who doesn't love him?

Man Crush Bracket, Round One, Day Two

Day Two, keep the vote's coming everyone but first, I wanna just say that this is my personal man crush list, I get that it doesn't agree with everyone out there, but I don't care haha. Well, I do, but I'm taking suggestions in case this is a hit and we do it again.
Now onto the match-ups...

ATHLETES - Number 02 Lance Armstrong versus Number 15 Peyton Manning

NAME: Lance Armstrong
CLAIM TO FAME: Seven Tour de France victories, the most by any American rider, kicked cancers ass, started the LIVESTRONG foundation to help find a cure, and he's really hated by the French.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON LANCE: He's a winner. 'Nuf said.

NAME: Peyton Manning
CLAIM TO FAME: Colt's (Well, maybe "Former Colt's...") Quarterback for the last fourteen seasons, four time league MVP, and star of hilarious commercials and SNL skits.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON PEYTON: I mean, what guy with man crushes doesn't like football? Or hilarious TV appearances? Even though his little brother is "better".

HISTORICAL FIGURES - Number 02 Sasquatch versus Number 15 Marco Polo

NAME: Sasquatch
CLAIM TO FAME: Inspired a music festival, and he is the f****** Sasquatch.
WHY YOU SHOULD MAN CRUSH ON SASQUATCH: What man hasn't wanted to run away from his wife? Girlfriend? Job? Other stuff? Sasquatch did, and he became the best at it, cuz no one can find him.

NAME: Marco Polo
CLAIM TO FAME: Invented the game "Marco Polo".
WHY YOU SHOULD MAN CRUSH ON MARCO: If it weren't for him you would never be able to reach second base with that cute girl at the pool party. Thanks Marco!

ACTORS - Number 02 Brad Pitt versus Number 15 Aldis Hodge

NAME: Brad Pitt
CLAIM TO FAME: The Ocean's series, Fight Club, dated Jennifer Anniston, and killed Nazi's with that little kid intern from the Office.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON BRAD: I mean, I'm straight, but that man is fine as hell. And he's been in a lot of amazing movies. That's really all I got, I' busy watching Moneyball while I type this, another awesome Brad movie.

NAME: Aldis Hodge
CLAIM TO FAME: He snuck in the list. He's also on the TV drama "Leverage".
WHY YOU SHOULD MAN CRUSH ON ALDIS: He plays an awesome character on the show, and he's one of those guys that's constantly on TV and the movies and you're like "Oh yeah, that guy! Who is he?" Aldis is "he".

ENTERTAINERS - Number 02 Jon Stewart versus Number 15 Zane Lamprey

NAME: Jon Stewart
CLAIM TO FAME: Host of Comedy Central's Daily Show, Stewart has torn through the "American youth" and has put a fun, tolerable way to view politics out there for the crowd born in the 80s and beyond.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON JON: He's changing the world, he had millions(ish) show up to his "Rally to Restore Sanity" in DC, and most important, he makes you laugh for thirty minutes every night while still delivering the news.

NAME: Zane Lamprey
CLAIM TO FAME: The former stand up comedian now host's "Drinking Made Easy" on HDNet.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON ZANE: He literally drinks and travels for a living. If you ever see an episode, they travel, drink, and it's just fun to watch someone get progressively drunker and drunker.

Man Crush Bracket, Round One, Day One

Getcha popcorn ready, here we go! Bracket Round One, Day One!

ATHLETES - Number 01 Brooks Laich versus Number 16 John Erksine

NAME: Brooks Laich
CLAIM TO FAME: Washington Capitals Forward and probably the most versitle player on the team, you can also see number 21 in the red, white, and blue sweater on the ice almost every night. He's also a sexy man, no homo.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON BROOKS: Well, I mean it's obvious. He's the man's man on the Caps. Every play, every day. A soft spoken leader without a "C" or "A" on his chest.

NAME: John Erksine
CLAIM TO FAME: Washington Capitals defenseman, also lumber jacks religiously (That's a lie, I do that a lot on this blog, but tell me you can't picture him doing that). He's a rough and tumble guy, scruffy, ugly, and a hell of a fighter. Put an ax in his hands and he can chase a bunch of co-ed's out of a cabin in the woods in a horror movie.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON JOHN: He's manly as crap. He probably wears flannel shirts, wipes up spills like the Brawny man, and next to him, every man looks handsome.

HISTORICAL FIGURES - Number 01 Morgan Freeman versus Number 16 Dominic's Friends

NAME: Morgan "Always Plays God" Freeman
CLAIM TO FAME: He's Morgan F****** Freeman, 'nuf said.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON MORGAN: Look at the long list of movies and roles he's played. He's an awesome actor, and played God...TWICE. Done deal.

NAME: Dominic's Friends
CLAIM TO FAME: Technically, they ate the first Buffalo Wings.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON DOMINIC's FRIENDS: What man doesn't love buffalo wings? And it's kinda all thanks to them that we have them.

ACTORS - Number 01 George Clooney versus Number 16 Isiah Mustafa

NAME: George Clooney
CLAIM TO FAME: The lead of the leads in the "Ocean's" series, the Dapper Dan man from "O Brother Where Art Thou?" and that'a really the movies of his I really love. I'd look up more, but there's only so much that you need to say about Gorgeous George.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON GEORGE: See above.

NAME: Isiah Mustafa
CLAIM TO FAME: You know who he is, the Old Spice man. Who whistled, did all that stuff like ride horses and tell you how to smell.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON ISIAH: Who didn't see those commercials and do that whistle? Or laugh, or quote them. That's how you get on this list. He "changed the world" haha.

ENTERTAINERS - Number 01 Jimmy Buffett versus Number 16 Jimmy Kimmel

NAME: Jimmy Buffett
CLAIM TO FAME: The reggae/folk/country/pop singer songwriter has been selling out concerts for years and built a cult-like following singing about sun, fun, booze, drugs, and the tropics. When he's not doing that, he's inland hopping on one of his planes or surfing the Hawaiian surf.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON JIMMY B.:
He's gotten the masses together, drunk, flashing breasts, singing, and dancing. And college girls in grass skirts, bikinis, and did I mention drunk?

NAME: Jimmy Kimmel
CLAIM TO FAME: He is the host of ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live!", wouldn't it be weird if he wasn't? If he was like, on Camera 3a or the prop guy?
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON JIMMY K.: He's an awesome host and he's on the list alone for the videos he does like (The Hyperlinks aren't working, just YouTube "Jimmy Kimmel Parents Stole My Candy", sorry).
So there we go, leave comments for who you've voted for, as always I want your input and I'll put your votes in with mine and others. Thanks.

Bracket Announcement! We Launch Tomorrow!

BREAKING NEWS

That's right, tomorrow I launch Round One of my "Man Crush Bracket", the "long anticipated" (Not really) Bracket spin-off is what I hope will be a yearly event for me, looking at different things each year (Or maybe a few times inna year).

So this is based off of just a regular NCAA bracket, four regions, sixty four teams, and one winner. So lemme get into how I'm gonna do each participant. Just look at my sweet example below.


NAME: The Real SamWow
CLAIM TO FAME: Semi-popular internet blogger, has a Twitter account that he never uses, and has weirdly extensive knowledge of knitting.
WHY YOU SHOULD CRUSH ON THE REAL SAMWOW: He's so damn charming and dreamy.
Pretty simple right? It has to be or else I wouldn't do this at all, I'm not in this to work (Unless you wanna hire me as a writer, to you I say "Working is all that I do."). So here we go, hopefully this won't be a mountain of suck. Enjoy..?

Let's Go To The Mall....Today!

In case you were wondering "Where did SamWow get that super awesome title?" Well, that clearly means that you don't watch How I Met Your Mother (Monday nights on CBS, 8PM EST). That's the hit song from Robin Sparkles first music video, duh.

That being said, I do want to go to the mall...today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even right now. I know that may be weird, but I enjoy it, free samples from the food stores, the people, Lids, the women, and just shopping.

But there are a few things I've noticed about going to the mall and the differences of stores that sell mainly women's clothes and those selling clothes to the "un-fairer sex", also known as men. Sorry guys.

Women's stores always tend to have a unique name, like Avenue 9, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret, Lane Bryant, or Body Central. They also tend to smell good, have some select mood lighting, mannequins displaying the store's wares, and some light, generic, "feel good" music pumping into shoppers ears while they hold dresses up to themselves in front of mirrors. But this stuff isn't what I wanted to talk about, the first thing I mention rarely is after all.

Let me preface this by saying I'm a bigger guy, I'm six foot one and roughly two hundred fifteen pounds of pure, lean, well, body stuff, not muscle. I also have a giant head, big feet, and to top it all off I'm clumsy and easily distracted. Now guys/fellas/gentlemen, next time you and your beautiful young wife/girlfriend/mistress/daughter/granddaughter are out shopping for clothes, take a break from hating every second of it and notice how un-fit for men these stores are, which is reasonable cuz we're not the intended clientele.

The stores are just so damn small.

Now, I don't mean square footage, some of these stores can be pretty big, but I mean the spaces between the clothing racks and the width of the aisles. Holy god, I've followed ladies through stores countless times, and as soon as they find a rack they like, they dart away like a little kid into a corn maze and they're impossible to find until after a few hours, they emerge victorious, clutching thrity sweaters, two pairs of pants, and a bra they won't ever let you see. It's amazing, to a full grown man, those aisles are like what they used to put in ancient forts so camel's couldn't come in (Which is stupid, how many ancient races fell due to mauling by camel?). Then if you look across the mall, past the old men sitting on the benches, you can see a store built more for men, like Dick's Sporting Goods, Modells, Sport's Authority, or Bass Pro Shops, and it's like looking into the mouth of a whale - the entrance is cavernous, empty, and moist, well, not if it's a good store, avoid stores that are moist. That's the tip of the day.

A store like Dick's or Bass Pro, a guy my size can go prancing down the aisles, twirling my arms, thrashing violently (Like how it looks when I zumba), and guess what people, I can do that across the entire store and I won't touch a damn thing. It's amazing, at the check out, there's no fru-fru stuff, just Big League Chew bubble gum, chewing tobacco, fish lures, bullets for your .22, Michael Jordan cologne, and porn magazines (You'd be surprised what some of those "Muscle & Fitness" magazines have in them). This is a kinda abrupt ending to the post, but that's all I have. Enjoy my immature antics below the picture.

If I were gonna caption the above photo, or maybe make a movie and use that image as my poster, I'd call the movie "The Waiting". I snapped the picture standing in the Misses department waiting for my girlfriend to try on somethings and after the third hour, decided I would take a picture and now I'm gonna end this corny little joke.

Ok, I lied, my girlfriend took the picture while I was in the fitting room, it's just so darn tough to find a new sundress to match my favorite heels and clutch.

Random Thoughts & The Bracket Busting Announcement

I had a epiphany on the way home from Millersville on Monday, what if one day there's so many people that refuse to vote they do something different with how they elect people? That semi-smart thought was followed by me thinking "If I have the speakers in my car up this loud when I listen to the drums towards the end of Bruce Springsteen's 'Born In The USA' it sounds and feels like fireworks going off."

Those two thoughts, one smart, one really kinda stupid, led me to another moment of enlightenment, I clearly need to blog again, cuz it's crazy shit like that that reminds me that this little blog is my way of venting and hopefully bringing smiles to my one (occasionally two) readers.

So now onto my Bracket Busting Announcement, all straight men have man crushes, if you/your boyfriend/your husband is saying "Psh, I don't, that's GAY." they're lying. Whether it's an actor, athlete, entertainer, or someone else random. It doesn't have to be a sexual crush, you might just feel like if "Athlete X" is playing on ESPN, you need to watch. Or if "Actor Y" is in a new movie or TV show, you'll tune in. It's a simple, non-threatening thing.

So now the real Bracket Busting Announcement, credit my girlfriend's mother came up with this idea, and this comes just in time for the NCAA Tournament. I, along with the help of a few friends, have compiled a bracket of 64 man crushes, some of my own choosing, some the selections of a brain trust I have built. So come back in the next few days and weeks for the beginning of the bracket, I don't know yet how I'm going to break it down or put the options out there, but your feedback would be awesome on it.
Next time I post will be sooner, I promise.