In case you were wondering "Where did SamWow get that super awesome title?" Well, that clearly means that you don't watch How I Met Your Mother (Monday nights on CBS, 8PM EST). That's the hit song from Robin Sparkles first music video, duh.
That being said, I do want to go to the mall...today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even right now. I know that may be weird, but I enjoy it, free samples from the food stores, the people, Lids, the women, and just shopping.
But there are a few things I've noticed about going to the mall and the differences of stores that sell mainly women's clothes and those selling clothes to the "un-fairer sex", also known as men. Sorry guys.
Women's stores always tend to have a unique name, like Avenue 9, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret, Lane Bryant, or Body Central. They also tend to smell good, have some select mood lighting, mannequins displaying the store's wares, and some light, generic, "feel good" music pumping into shoppers ears while they hold dresses up to themselves in front of mirrors. But this stuff isn't what I wanted to talk about, the first thing I mention rarely is after all.
Let me preface this by saying I'm a bigger guy, I'm six foot one and roughly two hundred fifteen pounds of pure, lean, well, body stuff, not muscle. I also have a giant head, big feet, and to top it all off I'm clumsy and easily distracted. Now guys/fellas/gentlemen, next time you and your beautiful young wife/girlfriend/mistress/daughter/granddaughter are out shopping for clothes, take a break from hating every second of it and notice how un-fit for men these stores are, which is reasonable cuz we're not the intended clientele.
The stores are just so damn small.
Now, I don't mean square footage, some of these stores can be pretty big, but I mean the spaces between the clothing racks and the width of the aisles. Holy god, I've followed ladies through stores countless times, and as soon as they find a rack they like, they dart away like a little kid into a corn maze and they're impossible to find until after a few hours, they emerge victorious, clutching thrity sweaters, two pairs of pants, and a bra they won't ever let you see. It's amazing, to a full grown man, those aisles are like what they used to put in ancient forts so camel's couldn't come in (Which is stupid, how many ancient races fell due to mauling by camel?). Then if you look across the mall, past the old men sitting on the benches, you can see a store built more for men, like Dick's Sporting Goods, Modells, Sport's Authority, or Bass Pro Shops, and it's like looking into the mouth of a whale - the entrance is cavernous, empty, and moist, well, not if it's a good store, avoid stores that are moist. That's the tip of the day.
A store like Dick's or Bass Pro, a guy my size can go prancing down the aisles, twirling my arms, thrashing violently (Like how it looks when I zumba), and guess what people, I can do that across the entire store and I won't touch a damn thing. It's amazing, at the check out, there's no fru-fru stuff, just Big League Chew bubble gum, chewing tobacco, fish lures, bullets for your .22, Michael Jordan cologne, and porn magazines (You'd be surprised what some of those "Muscle & Fitness" magazines have in them). This is a kinda abrupt ending to the post, but that's all I have. Enjoy my immature antics below the picture.
If I were gonna caption the above photo, or maybe make a movie and use that image as my poster, I'd call the movie "The Waiting". I snapped the picture standing in the Misses department waiting for my girlfriend to try on somethings and after the third hour, decided I would take a picture and now I'm gonna end this corny little joke.
Ok, I lied, my girlfriend took the picture while I was in the fitting room, it's just so darn tough to find a new sundress to match my favorite heels and clutch.
