Off My Chest (For Lack of a Better Title)

So a government shutdown that leaves me temporarily jobless brings forth a lot of benefits, that is if you can look beyond not getting paid at all (I hate you, Congress).  It allows you time to go the gym a few times a day, get a library card, mop the floors, rake leaves, split wood, and see Gravity at 10:00am with a bunch of senior citizens.

It's also allowed me to have a lot of time where I'm just sitting around, whether it's lying in bed, on the couch, in front of the television, or just somewhere in-between.  What I do in that free time is what most people do, I think.  I think about baseball, the Nats managerial position for next year, the potential Redskins name change, how the Caps will fare in a tougher division, or what Wizards shirsey I'll be buying next (Hint, not Jan Vessely, cuz duh).  Thoughts on how I need to start saving more money and losing weight weigh heavy but are far too easily replaced with how I'd love to spend money on this and then eat that.

However, most of the "mental heavy lifting" comes in the way of the person I've become in the past five years.  In high school, I was just one of the guys, I didn't worry about fitting in with groups or past decisions.  I was a kid, just living day-to-day without major responsibilities or cares.  Now, five years later I'm working a real job, paying real bills, and worrying about my social image while behaving like a bipolar, sociopathic monster to those close to me.

It's taken a lot of time (Read "A lot of Call of Duty") to admit that, for which I am ashamed.  People have told me that before but I didn't listen.  Some of those people are still around, others have grown distant, and some have totally fallen off the face of the Earth for which I cannot blame them.

Where is all this building too you ask?  It's at the point now where I need to shut up, nut up, and prove that I can be a changed person and start living a "honest and clean" lifestyle.  I also am aware of how little all this will mean to a lot of you, I don't really care haha.  This is for me.

Pax, Sammy SoCised.